She's a Man Baby A Man!
by prying.delilah
Summary: Draco gets turned into a girl and falls in love with Harry. Tell me you aren't curious. Response to Anna Bella's challenge on where this story is also posted.
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, I'm bad. Not only have I put two Harry Potter stories on hold, but I'm writing this instead of my three Rent fics. But this...it's just a naughty diversion. Bound to only be around...10 Chapters? Short chapters too. Maybe more, but they're going to be short. **

**This is a crackfic, let's just get that straight. I've never written anything like this, so be kind...or don't. But no matter what you've got to say, review. But understand that this is somewhat of a parody, it's not supposed to be exactly true to the series. Anyway, enjoy.**

**Chapter 1: Wherein Our Story Begins...**

"You…are…beautiful," The Dark Lord breathed, sending shivers down Draco's spine.

"Yeah," he said, continuing to look down at the floor. "I've always thought so." Why the heck was he here? Did Lucius just enjoy making him meet the Dark Lord over and over? He probably did, that sadistic bastard.

"It's a shame you don't have a sister," he continued, ignoring Draco's comment. "There aren't words…"

Draco's fear was being replaced by discomfort. What was the Dark Lord getting at? "Yeah, it's a shame."

"Did your father tell you why you came here?" The Dark Lord changed subjects abruptly.

"No," Draco admitted. "He never tells me much of anything," he said under his breath and yet knowing that the Dark Lord could hear every word.

"He never was one for elaboration, at least not when it came to speaking," the Dark Lord confessed. "Well, I shan't keep you in suspense." He paused as if for dramatic effect. "I want you to be my…companion…if that's the right word.

Draco frowned. Companion? What the hell did that mean?

"I've made no secret of my affections for you," he went on.

"Well," Draco began. "I'm very fond of you as well…"

"Good," the Dark Lord's distorted lips widened into a sort of smile. "I'm glad to hear that."

Draco saw the Dark Lord's hand snaking over to his wand.

"What happened to you being fond of me?" He squeaked out desperately. If Lucius could see him now, cowering in the face of most certain death. Apparently the Dark Lord's fondness could be counted on for nothing.

"Silly boy, I'm not going to kill you," he chuckled like he was in on some private joke. "I'm just going to…Femintato!"

Draco felt strange for an instant. Almost as if he were being swirled around, similar to the feeling of being Apparated. The feeling dissipated, but left a strange sense of self-crisis that Draco would have to deal with at another time.

"Perfect," the Dark Lord said, clapping his hands a bit. "It's perfect."


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay, so it took a while, but people have responded! Yay! **

**Chapter 2: Wherein Draco Discovers An Important Piece of Anatomy**

Perfect? Draco knew he was the shit, but perfect, that was a first. And since when was he an it?

"Uh, my lord," Draco began, but then stopped. What was up with his voice? He sounded like one of those squeaky little garden gnomes he was always kicking around. "My lord," he said once again but this time to himself, putting a hand to his throat. "My lord?" Still gnomish.  
But his throat…it felt different. Softer, smoother. He continued to stroke it, closing his eyes and losing himself in the intense sensation. He repeated his sentence a few more times so it didn't look completely strange, but he was no longer concerned. Perhaps the Dark Lord had just made some much-needed improvements to Draco's being. Perhaps now, after whatever strange transformation the Dark Lord had put Draco through, he truly was perfect. He couldn't wait to use his looks to get a nice girl to shag.

And yet…the prospect of shagging a leggy blonde was no longer…appealing. It wasn't…unappealing exactly…but Draco had the distinct feeling that he would be just as happy curling up with a nice book…

Now he was worried.

"My lord, what exactly happened?"

The Dark Lord snapped out of his gleeful reverie and returned his attention to Draco. "You can't tell?" He looked almost offended. "Ah well, I never said I loved you for your wit…though…"

"Uh, my lord?"

"Oh yes. Well, you'll figure it out soon enough."

"But I want to find out NOW!"

"Come now pet, impatience isn't something to be proud of," the Dark Lord chided, advancing toward Draco.

"In my book it is," Draco said, backing away, his long hair swishing with the sudden movement.

Long hair?

Draco looked down at himself. Long hair…smooth skin…high voice…were those breasts? They looked sort of like breasts. He peeked down, opening his shirt. Oh yes, they were breasts. Quite lovely, large, full breasts, milky white and perfect…but breasts all the same. Fearful of what he would find, he closed his eyes and unzipped the fly of his jeans…perhaps the Dark Lord was incompetent and had turned him into a hermaphrodite! That would…be…something. He opened one eye.

Oh gods! He was not a hermaphrodite.

"What the hell did you do to me?" Draco screamed, struggling to zip up his pants. It was surprisingly easy now that he didn't have any equipment to worry about getting caught in the fly…but that was not the point!

"I would've thought it was obvious," the Dark Lord smirked, coming ever closer to Draco. "And you need not zip them up…they'll only get in the way."

"You sick bastard!" Draco cried, struggling to stay calm but finding himself saddled with an irrepressible urge to cry. "I'm…I'm…"

"A woman?" The Dark Lord finished for him. "I'm quite aware. That's just how I like them."

"So this was your plan all along! To change me into a…" Draco couldn't still bring himself to say the word woman.

"Woman. Girl. Chick. Lady. Penisless individual," the Dark Lord waved his hand.

"Don't even get me started on that. I liked my penis!" Draco struggled to remember where he'd left off. "And then fuck me! Repeatedly! With a penis similar to the one I don't have!"

"Yes."

"Well you're not! I like women!" Draco said rather unconvincingly.

"So do I. Which is why you are now…a woman."

Screams from somewhere in the building carried into the Dark Lord's chambers. Something about an attack…a siege…on the Headquarters.

"Blasted fools!" The Dark Lord cried, losing his amorous intentions within an instant. "Wait for me in there!" He stuffed Draco into a cage and locked it. "I'll be back my sweet…don't you worry."


	3. Chapter 3

**My stupid computer wasn't working! But now it is and I'm happy.**

**Okay, in this chapter the Dark Lord dies, and I didn't make a big deal out of it, cuz I wanted him dead fast. Don't be crying about me trivializing his death, because in this story, it is truly trivial. I really didn't want to deal with Draco actually having to escape.**

**Chapter 3: Wherein Harry Enters the Scene**

Draco never saw the Dark Lord again.

It was three hours before anyone happened upon Draco and in the mean time, he managed to occupy himself.

It was useless trying to escape. Even if he could've found a way, the Dark Lord would only have hunted him down and that wasn't something Draco was eager to experience. So as he waited, he plaited his hair, fondled his breasts a bit and tried to put his mind off of the terrible screams coming from outside his door.

Serves Potter right, messing with the Dark Lord. He deserved to have his whole army decimated.

The door opened and a person Draco didn't recognize stepped inside. "Oy!" The stranger shouted. "I've found a live one!"

A small group of five, perhaps six joined the stranger. Out of the group, Draco recognized Harry, Weasley and Granger. The rest, he had no clue.

"Poor thing," Weasley muttered to himself. "She can't be more than eighteen."

"Don't sound so old," Granger smacked his chest lightly. "You're only twenty two."

Only Potter remained silent.

Weasley ventured closer to the cage and stuck his face close to Draco's. "Are you okay? Do you need help?" He said slowly as if Draco were stupid.

"I'd like to be let out if that's not too much to ask for," Draco all but snarled.

"Oh, feisty," Weasley said as he unlocked the cage. "I like that."

"Yes, and I like men with balls who aren't whipped by their wannabe girlfriends," Draco said before he could stop himself. Looking around at the shocked faces around the room, he amended his statement at once. He didn't need to be screwing up what looked like his only chance of survival. "A sentiment in which no way reflects my personal perceptions of you," he batted his eyelashes and flashed what he hoped was a winning and flirtatious smile. "In fact I'm honored that such strong and…uh…attractive young man such as yourself has deemed me worthy of rescuing."

"Uh-huh," Granger murmured in the background.

At last fumbling Weasley got the door open and Draco stepped out, stretching his legs a bit. "Oh, that feels good," he threw his head back. "So…where's the Dark Lord?"

"Dead," Granger, Potter and Weasley said in unison.

"Dead?" Draco asked in disbelief.

"Quite dead."

"Oh…" he looked down at his body again. He was still a woman. So obviously the Dark Lord's death produced no effect on the magic he'd worked before. So, he was stuck like this? "Shit," he said at last.

"Shit? Don't you understand?" Weasley asked confused. "You're free!"

"No I'm not-" Draco began before Weasley cut in again.

"Don't say that. You are free. The Dark Lord is dead and everyone who was working for him is either dead as well or in Azkaban. You're safe."

Draco stopped at Weasel's comment. If he told them who he really was, he'd be shipped off to Azkaban before he could say Malfoy. The survival instinct in him took over at once.

"Oh thank the gods!" He cried, albeit a bit dramatically. "It was horrible. Completely horrible!"

"Poor thing," Weasley said again. "We'd better get her out of here," he said to his companions. "Your place is closest," he indicated to Potter.

"Yeah," Granger agreed a little hostilely. "Let's go."


	4. Chapter 4

**I'm thinkin' that Draco will probably tell Harry soon. But first...alcohol will most likely have to get involved...then probably sex...and somewhere in between confessions...**

**Chapter 4: Wherein Draco Is Passed Around Like Herpes**

Upon arriving at Potter's house, which was really a mansion but still rather unimpressive in the eyes of Draco Malfoy, they passed through the gate.

"You still can't Apparate inside," Potter explained needlessly. He began to unlock the door and went inside, followed by Granger and Weasley. When Draco attempted to enter however, the entrance suddenly sealed itself.

"What'd it do that for?" Weasley cried as a horrible screeching noise filled the air.

"I dunno," Potter admitted. "I programmed it so that people who were a threat to me wouldn't be able to enter but…"

"Just turn it off will you?"

"Yeah," Harry muttered puzzled. "Sure."

**HDHDHDHDHDHD**

"You keep her here," Granger firmly whispered to her two confidantes. Too bad she was abysmal at the whole whispering concept. Draco could hear her loud and clear. In the first moments after they had sequestered themselves in a room adjoining to his, Draco had attempted to Apparate out. Something was wrong however, it seemed that when the Dark Lord had turned him into a…girl, he had also turned him into something much, much worse…a muggle. So Draco gave up, deciding instead to search the ground for some abandoned copy of Witches Weekly lying on the floor.

"Me?" Potter asked shocked. "You want me to keep her here? What would Ginny say?"

Draco suppressed the urge to snort again. It seemed that under all of his bluster, brave and manly physique, Potter was another poor hopeless sap whipped by his girlfriend.

"You and Ginny aren't dating anymore so she doesn't really have the right to say anything," Granger rationalized, desperation tainting her voice.

"Why do I have to take her?" Potter almost whined. Draco had to roll his eyes. This was the kid who'd defeated the greatest wizard of all time? "Why can't you guys take her, you've got a bigger place."

"I'd be fine with that," Weasley volunteered too eagerly. Draco could almost see Granger shooting him a death glare for that.

"We are not taking her home," she said leaving no room for argument. "She's been through a traumatic ordeal; the last thing she needs is a deranged stalker who is already ENGAGED to someone else."

"I'm not a stalker," Weasley murmured. "Besides sweet pea, she's got nowhere else to go…"

"Harry," Granger's voice said almost pleadingly. "If you don't let her stay with you I'll never forgive you!"

"Never forgive me?" He asked doubtfully.

"Never!"

A long pause. "Fine," he murmured, resigned.

"Thanks a bunch Harry, you've saved our engagement. And quite possibly, Ron's life."

"All in a day's work I guess," Potter muttered.

The three stepped back into the main room. "You'll be staying with Harry until we can…do something else, okay?" Granger asked in that same slow manner Weasley had used with him earlier.

"Yeah," Draco replied. "Great." He noticed Granger's arm snake around Ron as if to say quite possessively, 'he's mine, back off'. Was little Granger feeling threatened? It was almost too good to be true. "That is if it's alright with _you,_" he said a bit flirtatiously to Weasley.

"Yes," he said with more than a healthy dose of resentment Draco was sure was directed toward Granger. "But if anything goes wrong, our doors are always open," he said even as his fiancée's actions belied his sentiment.

"I'll remember that," Draco said in a husky voice he'd just recently discovered and was eager on perfecting.

"Yeah," Potter broke in at last. It seemed he, like Granger, was getting rather sick from all of the flirting going on between him and Weasley. "I'll just see you two out," he said referring to Granger and Weasley. He did not sound the least bit pleased.


	5. Chapter 5

**Whoo! This is my longest chapter yet! Thank the fact that I stayed home sick.**

**BTW: Do any of you read RENT fanfiction? If you do, would any of you read a cross over between RENT and The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants? (Weird, I know, but what can I say? I'm becoming a sucker for cross overs.)**

**Chapter 5: Wherein Draco Discovers Harry's Big, Huge…Muscles and His Not-So-Inner Femininity **

It was just Potter and him now. One on one. Man against…

Draco was still unsure about the specifications of his current state.

"What's your name?" Potter asked gruffly.

"Uh…" Draco searched the recesses of his brain for a name. "Uh…my name is…Darcy!" Was that even a real name? Had he ever met a girl named Darcy? Oh well, Potter seemed to be buying it.

"Darcy what?"

"Uh…Darcy Spungen!"

Potter raised an eyebrow. "Like Sid Vicious' girlfriend?"

Who the hell was Sid Vicious? "Yeah," Draco agreed. "Just like her."

"O-okay," Harry…Potter drew out the word in a manner of disbelief. "Why were you captured?"

Captured? Oh yes! He was supposedly a prisoner! "Uh…well…" why would the Dark Lord want Draco/Darcy? Draco decided to go with the truth. "Look at me," he said as if that explained everything. "Wouldn't you capture me if you had the chance?"

"So you mean he wanted to…" Potter was turning green at the very thought of the Dark Lord having sex with someone, so Draco decided to milk it.

"Ravage me. A lot. Everyday, every night, he wanted to shag me…" Seeing that Harry was seconds from becoming lord of the porcelain bowl, Draco went on. "He was very well endowed, not that I've seen very many," his voice was thoughtful. "But it was sort of green and when he wanted me to s-"

"Okay! I get the point!" Potter shouted, covering his ears. "I really don't want to hear any more!"

"If you say so," Draco agreed. "But he was a very…talented and gentle lover, that should relieve you."

But Draco's statement only proved to further sicken Potter, which had been it's purpose.

"Why don't you set up in your room," he suggested to Draco, trying to wash the repulsive mental images from his mind.

Draco followed Potter up the stairs, tripping over almost every one. It wasn't that being female had affected his balance, though he did find it strange trying to look down and finding two appendages obscuring his view. But it wasn't that, it was the fact that Potter's ass was becoming much more interesting than trying to walk correctly.

As Harry moved (for Draco figured that while he was ogling his ass, he might as well be called by his given name) his bottom wriggled back and forth. The muscles there rippled, barely hidden by the jeans he was wearing.

"Are you okay?" Harry asked after Draco had nearly toppled down the steps.

"Oh, yeah! I'm fine. It's just been awhile since I've had to…you know. Walk," Draco covered for his clumsiness impeccably.

Harry's face softened and his green eyes had a look of pity in them. "I'm sorry, I forgot about that."

"It's okay," Draco sighed melodramatically. "I'm just glad that I've made it threw that ordeal safely."

"Yeah…" Harry led him into a very nicely sized guest room. "I'll…uh…bring you some clothes," he said, looking down at Draco's much too big jeans and shirt.

"Thanks."

Flopping onto the bed, Draco winced. What was up with these breasts? Why did they hurt all the time? Sitting up, he pressed them experimentally.

"Ow!"

Standing up, he jumped up and down a few times. "Merlin's uncle!" he cried a bit louder. He was beginning to think that breasts were much more trouble than they were worth. How did women manage with them flopping every which way and hurting every time the slightest bit of pressure was added?

"Uh…" Harry had returned with a t-shirt, which was most likely regular sized but looked oversized compared to Draco's now very compact body. Draco quickly stopped experimenting but Harry's eyes were still glued to his breasts. "Do you need…you know a…?"

"A what?" Draco asked, his breasts swinging slightly from side to side.

"A bra?"

Ah yes! A bra! That was how women survived them! How had he forgotten about the beautiful creation? "Yes, that would be wonderful," Draco told Harry. "A bra."

Quickly sizing Draco's chest up, he summoned up a pink lacy number with dozens of hooks and straps. Blushing madly, Harry ducked out of the room, leaving the clothes and the bra in a pile on the bed.

Draco picked up the bra. It was pretty, that was for sure. But unfortunately, though he now found Harry's ass to be tantalizing and pink one of the most beautiful colors in the world, he couldn't for the life of him figure out how to put on this bra. After a few moments, he identified just what every part of the garment did. _Perhaps I should've spent a bit more time studying bras before merely flinging them off,_ he thought wistfully. "Okay, I can do this." The cups, he supposed, were to keep his breasts in. He was correct. Now the hard part. The stupid thing hooked in the back and Draco learned the hard way that the thing was useless if not properly hooked. Straining and grunting, he arched his back and tried his hardest to hook it.

"Stupid…bloody…bra!" Draco cursed louder than needed. "Damn it…to bloody hell!" he cried again in frustration.

Draco's moans and grunts of exertion brought Harry running to his room. "Are you okay?" he asked, genuinely concerned.

Draco whipped around so that he was facing Harry, dropping the bra in the process.

"Oh gods!" Harry quickly averted his eyes.

"I could say the same thing," Draco remarked dryly as he bent low to pick up the fallen garment.

It was true, Harry was topless as well. His pectoral muscles were dancing beautifully and Draco couldn't help but admire them.

"Yes, well," Harry sputtered. "That's different."

"Yeah," Draco said. Stupid gender rules. "I can't do this," he said lamely, holding the bra out for Harry to take.

"And what do you want me to do about that?"

"Can't you help?"

Reluctantly, Harry stepped forward, his eyes still trained to the corner of the ceiling.

"You can look," Draco said exasperatedly.

"No, I really can't," Harry responded.

"Why not? Would your girlfriend get pissed?"

"No," Harry defended. "My girlfriend and I broke up recently."

"Then why can't you?"

"Because…because…" Harry was trying his hardest and coming up with nothing. Giving up, he went over to Draco and took the bra. "Turn around," he said, resigned.

Draco did as he was told and held his long hair out of the way as Harry hooked the bra into place. They were so close, Draco could feel heat radiating from Harry's body to his own.

"It's done," Harry said softly, drawing his hands away from Draco's smooth back.

"Thanks," Draco said. Then, reaching behind himself, he unhooked the bra again. "Oops," he said, not sounding in the least bit sorry. Then, in a twilight moment, he uttered the words that every respectable French prostitute could say at a moment's notice.

"Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?"


	6. Chapter 6

**So, after a whole 2 ½ months without update…I know this probably won't hold you over…but I do have another chapter written so never fear! **

**Chapter 6:Wherein Harry Receives a French Lesson**

"Excuse me?" Harry asked, his face stained with confusion.

"Vou-lez-vous cou-cher avec moi ce soir?" Draco repeated, this time slower.

"I'm sorry, I don't really know that much French," Harry apologized.

Draco stared at Harry openmouthed. How could one be so hot and never have been propositioned in multiple languages? Draco himself had been propositioned in French, Italian, Korean, Greek, Finnish, German, English of course, and once in Mandarin Chinese. "It means 'do you want to sleep with me tonight?' Sheesh, try to be cultural and you just suck it right out!"

"What do you mean do I want to sleep with you?" Harry sputtered in horror. "You're traumatized!"

"So what?" Draco asked. "I'm horny as fuck-" he paused. Was that a girl thing to say? I'm horny as fuck…no, women were much more…gentle? Mushy? What did they call it?

Oh yes, Romantic.

He tried again. "What I meant was, I need you. I want you and your…big, pulsing-"

Harry covered his ears. "Uh…you're vulnerable! And…traumatized…I'm sure under normal circumstances you'd be a nice, sensible, not quite so blunt girl-"

"I'm not vulnerable!" Draco cried. "I need sex!" To prove his point, he grabbed Harry's head and firmly pressed his lips against the manly stud's. Harry's.

It felt so…incredible. Draco slowly worked his tongue into Harry's mouth and moaned gently when he retracted his tongue and nipped Harry's lower lip.

Unfortunately, Harry realized what was happening and quickly broke away. In his post-kiss euphoria, Draco noticed that he looked even hotter after being kissed. "Uh…I understand that you need sex…but I can't help you solve that problem-"

"Was the kiss not good?" Draco asked. "To me it felt…wonderful…but maybe it wasn't for you? Or maybe you don't think I'm sexy? Maybe my breasts aren't big enough, or my nose is too long or…I'm too fat?" he continued. Strange, he didn't know he harbored such self-conscious feelings. He would admit freely, he made an even more attractive woman than he did a man…and he was a damn good looking man. But even so, Harry's rejection was bringing insecurities he'd never dwelled on during his 6 hours as a woman to the surface.

"No! That's not it," Harry tried to assure Draco to no avail. "The kiss was…wonderful, and you are a beautiful woman…really beautiful…it's just that…I can't…I don't…I have to go!"

Draco stood shell-shocked. He just didn't understand…he was beautiful! Much prettier than that prepubescent twit Ginny. What did she have that he didn't.

She had Harry.

Draco squinted his eyes at the door Harry had just flung himself out of and right there, he made a vow. Harry Potter would be getting a taste of him if it was the last thing he did…

No one rejects a Malfoy.

HDHDHDHDHDHD

**This chapter is dedicated to emmagranger11 who pmed me and told me to update.**


	7. Chapter 7

**See? I told you I'd be back soon! The next chapter, well that's a different story. I don't want melodrama, but I need to get rid of Ginny. What a predicament! I do not know what I shall do! Anyway, this one really isn't long either, but I think it's longer than the one before. Just comfort yourselves with the fact that I stopped it here partly because the story is a mess after this point. But it'll all work out, I'm sure.**

**Disclaimer: I do own all 6 Harry Potter books, a portrait of Johnny Depp and a secret lust for Alan Rickman. I do not however own Alan Rickman's character Snape, the rights to any of the Harry Potter books or Johnny Depp. Go figure.**

**Chapter 7: Wherein Draco Displays His Lack of Stealth**

"Femininization, femininization…" Draco muttered the next morning as he ran his fingertips down the spines of the books in Harry's library.

"There's nothing here dammit!" Draco cried in defeat. It seemed as if Voldemort might've crafted the spell especially for this purpose and so there was no book on how to reverse it. Or perhaps Potter's library was just severely lacking. "This would've never happened to me in the Malfoy library," he murmured darkly.

"The Malfoy library?" Draco heard Harry's voice behind him and dropped the book he was holding.

"Uh…I said the Calfoy Library," Draco covered eagerly. "It was the name of a great library in…America!…that I saw during my year abroad…from Beauxbatons!"

"Oh," Harry said. "It sounded like Malfoy."

"Malfoy? What a strange name! I'm sure I've never heard it before!"

"Really? From what I heard they were pretty active in the Order with Voldemort," he said nonchalantly.

"I'm sure I know no one with that name…unless you mean the devastatingly handsome blonde stud who often held private audiences with the Dark Lord."

"That'd be him." Harry snorted as he came closer to Draco. "I wonder what they were doing during those 'private audiences'."

"Draco was straight!" Draco cried without thinking.

Harry raised an eyebrow. "How would you know?" he asked a bit sharply. Draco said nothing and Harry slowly began to look apologetic. "Wait…did he…and you…did you…?"

Deciding that it was better to just go along with Harry's assumptions, Draco carried them on. "Yes. We did. So I know he fancied the females."

"Oh Darcy, that must've been awful for you," Harry said as he put an arm around Draco's shoulders.

"Well, the experience in itself wasn't bad," Draco said, drudging up a loaded sigh. "In fact, Draco was a very caring guy. Don't you think you're just a little hard on him?" he asked gently. "And boy did he know how to please a woman," Draco began to daze of dreamily thinking of the women he'd slept with in order to make his declarations more believable. "And he had an enormous cock. Really, I had never seen one bigger in my life it had to be at least-"

"Uh, Darcy?" Harry broke in, looking ill again. "Are you sure they don't have you under some sort of mind control?"

"Oh, I was just…remembering. But all in all, as you said, the experience was traumatizing. Horrible. I would never want it repeated."

"Okay," Harry said, sounding relieved. "How about some breakfast?"

"Breakfast would be _wonderful_," Draco simpered like the best of them. "Can you cook? I adore men that can cook."

Harry blushed crimson, a very adorable look for him. "Yeah, I had to for my aunt and uncle you see-"

Oh yes, Draco did remember the story of poor Potter and his abominable relatives. Magic-fearing, ignorant, narrow minded twits from all accounts. "Really? Do you want to talk about it?" Draco made his eyes widen and clung to Harry's arm so that he could better stare up at him in true womanish fashion.

"Well, there's not much to say, really," Harry said, pushing his glasses up on his nose. "They hated me, hated my parents, hated magic. They made me sleep in a cupboard for a long time…locked my things up when I came home from Hogwarts…they basically convinced me that I was shit and deserved to be treated as such."

Something strange was happening to Draco. He felt…sorry…for Harry. He'd heard of this emotion before, what was it called? It wasn't as demeaning as pity…or as stuffy as condolence…sympathy! That was what it was called! It wasn't the most pleasant feeling and Draco was beginning to see the benefits of never experiencing it.

"But at least I learned to fend for myself. Cook, clean, laundry and the like," Harry said more cheerfully. "There are worse things I could've learned."

"I'm sure," Draco said, raising an eyebrow. "I'm sure the girls are all over you with looks and talent to go with them."

A cloud passed over Harry's face. "No. There's only been one girl."

_Ginny_, Draco thought with undue malice. Ugh, just the thought of the chit made Draco want to vomit, though he wasn't exactly sure why.

"Ginny," Harry said breathlessly, his eyes glazed over.

"I know," Draco said begrudgingly.

But Harry didn't say anything. In fact, he walked straight past Draco, his eyes still blank like a cow's. Not that Draco had ever seen a cow. But he was sure that their eyes were blank.

"Ginny," Harry said again.

"I heard you the first time!" Draco said, spinning around to face Harry.

And then he saw her.

Ginny.

_Bitch._


	8. Chapter 8

**So this is more drama-full than I would've liked, but hey, what can ya do?**

**Chapter 8: Wherein Ginny is the Bitch We All Know She Is**

"The one and only," the little red-headed sex symbol wanna be said. Draco wanted to rip every hair out of her scalp and then braid it into a rug. Or pay someone else to braid it into a rug. Either way, he wanted the bitch's hair under his feet.

"What are you doing here?" Harry asked, shocked.

"I was returning some stuff, and my key," she said, dangling the thing. If only she'd decided to knock first.

"I tried knocking, but no one answered," she said icily. "Who's your friend?"

It was then Draco remembered that he was scantily dressed in Harry's threadbare shirt. He wondered if it was as sheer on his body as it had been when he looked at it on the bed. He hoped it was.

"Hi," Draco said, going up to meet Ginny, thrusting his breasts out and quickly rustling his hair. He was sure he looked just like sex. Perfect. "Lovely to meet you," he said, using that throaty voice once again. "My name is Darcy."

"Do you have a last name?" Ginny asked, her voice was even more frosty than before.

"Spungen," Harry supplied. "Her name is Darcy Spungen."

"So you do know her full name, that's something," she muttered under her breath.

"What was that?" Draco asked innocently.

"Nothing," Ginny said, looking around the library. "Well isn't this cozy?" She tilted her head and stared at Draco for a moment. "Is that the shirt I gave you for Christmas?"

"Uh…what?"

"We need to talk," she said, pulling Harry into the adjoining room.

Draco laughed softly. Bitch hadn't even closed the door.

DHDHDHDHDHDHDHDH

"What the hell is going on here? We broke up two weeks ago Harry! And now you have a random half-naked woman in your apartment?"

Harry couldn't resist a snort. "We didn't just break up two weeks ago, you got the last of your stuff two weeks ago, you told me you were dating someone else two weeks ago. That isn't breaking up Ginny, that's driving a knife into my heart and then twisting it a couple times."

"Yes, you seem absolutely devastated," Ginny said, looking at her nails.

"Ginny…" Harry said, warning creeping into his voice.

"Yes, I'm sure that she's your grief counselor, that she's helping you through this ordeal…which is why she's half dressed!"

"Ginny-"

"You could've at least had the decency to tell me that you were sleeping around, so I didn't make an idiot of myself coming here!"

"Ginny shut up!"

She immediately fell quiet. Harry wasn't much the yeller or screamer.

"You were the one who left me Ginny, remember! You were the one who was sleeping around! I loved you Ginny, I probably still do! You've fucked me up so bad, I don't even know what to do!"

"So your solution is to sleep with gorgeous supermodels?"

"She's not a supermodel Ginny."

"Then who the hell is she?"

"She was a prisoner we found at Voldemort's headquarters. She was kept in a _cage_ Ginny, a _cage._ Do you know what he wanted her for?"

"Stop," Ginny said, fear present in her eyes.

"Do you?"

"I don't want to hear this," Ginny said again, turning her back to Harry.

"He wanted her there so he could _rape_ her Ginny. Any time he wanted. He even invited Draco to join in from time to time."

"Oh gods," Ginny said, her breath coming out in short gasps.

"And she's okay Ginny, that's the thing. Nothing has happened to you Ginny and everything's happened to her. But she's still better than you."

Ginny looked at him coldly in the eyes. "Then you shack up with her, fuck her, whatever. Obviously, I'm not good enough for you. Here," she said, throwing a box at him, "congratulations on defeating Voldemort."

And she walked out of his study, never once looking behind her.

HDHDHDHDHDH

Draco quickly returned to his magazine as if he'd been reading it the whole time when Ginny burst out of the badly closed door, but inside he was as giddy as a schoolgirl. _He stuck up for me,_ he thought, amazed.

"Leaving so soon?" Draco asked with all the sweetness he could muster.

"I'm afraid so," Ginny said, her voice hard and cold.

"Will you stop back again?"

"No, I don't think I will," Ginny said, her eyes glued on Harry who'd just emerged from the room. "It was nice meeting you," she said insincerely.

"Likewise." The moment the little wench was gone, Draco turned to Harry. "What was that all about?"

"Nothing, just tying up some loose ends," Harry said, his voice soft but not quite sad.

"Are you sure you're okay? I hope your fight wasn't about me," Draco said, drudging up some makeshift guilt.

"No, it wasn't. It was about Ginny and her need for what she can't have. I can't believe I love her."

"You love her?" Draco of course knew this, but it still hurt to hear aloud.

"Well, I loved her. And a part of me always will. But I can't help but think that there's someone out there…someone better for me than she could've ever been."

"You do?" Draco said, trying not to sound too eager.

"Yes, I do," he said firmly. "And I think I may just be sitting next to her."

Draco's eyes widened and he leaned in closer to Harry. "Really?"

"Yes." And with that, Harry planted a firm kiss on Draco's lips.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9: Wherein The Happy Couple Receives an Unexpected Guest 

"I'm starving!" Draco said, leaning deep into Harry's fridge.

"I'm not surprised, a week of nonstop sex can do that to a person," Harry snorted and for a moment, he loosened his hold on his sheets.

_Fall down, fall down, fall down!_ Draco urged the sheet. He wanted to see it again.

Harry caught him looking and looked at him with complete dismay. "Are you serious? You want to see it again?"

"No I don't," Draco lied rather unconvincingly.

"I just flashed you five minutes ago!"

"Yes I know," Draco admitted, "but…"

In all actuality, Draco didn't know what precisely was so captivating about Harry's cock. It wasn't as if he hadn't had one at one point in time. But Harry's looked nothing like his former member, though they were similar in size. Perhaps it was because Draco had seen so few and had never been intimate with a cock other than his own, that he was so enamored with Harry's.

"Oh alright, who am I to refuse a pretty lady?" Harry gave in, dropping the sheets so that Draco could have a quick peek. "Satisfied you strumpet?"

"Nowhere near," Draco said cheerfully.

This was wonderful.

Life was wonderful.

He was in love.

Draco wondered briefly if his love for Harry made him gay, but then he decided it didn't matter. It would never matter, because Harry would never find out that he was a man…Draco Malfoy. He would go on thinking that he was a she named Darcy, and they would get married and have little gorgeous babies. It would all work out.

Because Malfoys always got what they wanted.

"Let's go back," Draco said, dragging on Harry's arm.

"But I thought you said you were hungry?"

"I said that?" Draco asked innocently. "Well, I didn't mean it. Let's go back." He began sucking on Harry's earlobe in order to up his persuasiveness.

"Umm, yes…let's do that," Harry said, his voice trailing off as he picked Draco up off the floor. "Food…is for…wankers…"

"What in Merlin's hell are you doing?" a deep voice from the doorway shocked them.


	10. Chapter 10

**Allo! Cordyangel here. This is so strange, the regular updates thing. I haven't ever really completed a story this fast so this is new for me. Thanks to all my reviewers and I hope to get another chapter out by…Sunday. Or maybe Saturday? I don't know yet. **

**And cookies to everyone who guessed the deep voice was Snape. I really don't think I could write another Harry Potter fanfic without him in it…that's like…blasphemy.**

**Chapter 10: Wherein The Jig Is Up**

"What in Merlin's hell are you doing?"

Harry turned with Draco in his arms to face none other than the esteemed Potions Master and double spy Severus Snape.

"Snape?" he asked, dropping Draco unceremoniously and quickly tightening the sheet about his waist. "What are you doing here?"

"I was looking for…" he turned to Draco. "I was looking for you."

"You were looking for Darcy?" Harry asked, confused.

"No, I was looking for-"

"Snape?" Draco said, his voice quivering with disbelief. Harry must've mistaken it for fear however.

"Oh don't worry Darcy, he's not evil. I forgot you didn't know. He was a _double _agent. Whatever you might've seen him do or heard him say, he didn't really mean it," he said slowly before turning back to Snape. "Though that does not excuse his presence in my house. How did you get in here?"

"The door was open," he said simply, his eyes narrowing as he looked from Draco to Harry to Draco again.

Draco knew he had to get Snape away from Harry as soon as possible. Somehow, he knew that he was Draco. "Uh, I think Snape and I have something _private_ to discuss. Would you mind giving us a moment?"

"Of course not," Harry said, rather perplexed. "Just, go into the bedroom or wherever."

Draco took Snape's hand and led him to the bedroom as fast as he was able.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Draco asked the moment the door was closed. "And perform a damn Silencing Spell!"

"I asked you first and," he looked at Draco strangely, "why don't you do one?"

"Because whatever spell has given me ovaries also took my magic!"

"So you really are a woman? Anatomically, I mean?" Snape asked, circling Draco.

"Yes," Draco hissed. "What did you think?"

"Really, going in drag wouldn't be beyond you if you thought the alternative was Azkaban. And you didn't lose your powers most likely. Powers are linked to emotions and as a woman, you are probably a bit more emotionally unstable…not that we need to get into this. Who did this to you?"

"Voldemort," Draco said darkly.

Snape's eyes widened considerably. "And when he died you didn't-"

"Get my cock back? No, I didn't."

"It's okay, we can get it back, don't worry-"

"Sev-"

"We don't even really have to reverse the spell, we could just give you a potion-"

"Sev," Draco said again, this time a bit louder.

"Or I've hear wonderful things about Muggles and their "Hermions Replacements". Perhaps we could try that-"

"SEV!" Draco yelled as loud as he could. "I don't want to be a man again."

Snape squinted at the blonde. "I'm sure the Ministry would give you a pardon, you needn't worry about that-"

"No Sev, that's not it. I'm in love."

It was as if Draco had said he was Snape's by blow, he was totally silent.

"Severus?" Draco asked, waving a hand in front of his face.

"You're what?" he sputtered.

"In love. With Harry."

"Draco…the war was over last week. A week ago. You cannot fall in love with someone in a week."

"But I have! And he loves me."

"He doesn't know who you are!" Snape cried.

"He doesn't have to!"

"What if the spell wears off, what if it isn't permanent, what then?"

"It won't matter," Draco said, jutting his lip out.

"Like hell it won't! You two have been enemies since you stepped onto Hogwart's grounds! What makes you think he'll still love you once he learns the truth?"

"I just know!" Draco said defiantly. "I don't want to talk about this any more."

"You're going to have to tell him, sooner of later," Severus said, opening the door.

Draco pretended he didn't hear him.


	11. Chapter 11

Second to last chapter, things are heating up! Chapter 11: Wherein the Jig is REALLY Up 

Even after Draco had explained his and Severus' strange chat, Severus' words kept bouncing about in his head.

How imperative was it really that Draco tell Harry? It had been a week and a half and still no sign of a cock or anything of the male variety. On the contrary, he'd started his period, proof that he was becoming MORE like a woman and not less. Of course he'd been repulsed by said occurrence, it was not very pleasant to wake up bleeding. And when Harry had taken him to the drugstore it had taken Draco a full twenty minutes to muster up the courage to go down the feminine products aisle. Tampons were much too scary so Draco had stuck with the pads…and though he couldn't have sex with Harry until his stupid period was over it was oddly reassuring…

Draco shook his head. That was not the point. The closer he and Harry became, the guiltier Draco felt for keeping something so big from him.

"You're so amazing," Harry said after dinner one day, brushing some hair out of Draco's eyes. "You're the most beautiful woman I've ever met but even if you looked like…well I don't know, my old Transfiguration teacher, I'd still think you were amazing."

"Really?" Draco asked, his voice full of hope. "Are you sure?"

"Of course," Harry said sincerely.

A tear escaped Draco's eye, damn it. It seemed that the side effect of breasts was being over emotional. "Then I have something to tell you."

"What is it honey?" Harry asked, severely concerned.

"I'm not who you think I am," Draco said slowly. "I'm not Darcy Spungen, I wasn't captured by Voldemort, I have no clue how big his cock was, Severus and I weren't allies in Voldemort's camp and I have absolutely no idea who Sid Vicious is!" And Draco burst out into full blown sobs.

"What?" Harry asked. "I don't understand. If you aren't Darcy Spungen, then who are you?"

"You know me."

"How could I know you?" Harry asked, his eyes soft and full of warmth. "How could I have seen you and not want to be with you on sight?" he asked, taking Draco's hand in his.

"Because you knew me as Draco Malfoy."

Harry immediately dropped Draco's hand. "Draco Malfoy?"

Draco nodded.

"Is this some of twisted joke?" Harry asked desperately. "Are all my friends hiding somewhere to make fun of me when I make an arse of myself?"

Draco shook his head.

"This can't be, you can't be Draco, you just can't-"

"We first met when we were both eleven at Madam Malkin's Robes for All Occasions. You were there with Hagrid and I told you he was a madman. When we were twelve, we challenged each other to a Wizard's Duel that I turned you in for, which was stupid since we both got detentions. When we were thirteen-"

"You're not joking are you?" Harry cut him off.

"No," Draco said resignedly. "But believe me, I love you!"

"You love me? How could you keep this from me? I trusted you, and you betrayed me-"

"We can still work this out," Draco said pleadingly. "We can, I know we can!"

"I'm not gay Malfoy!"

Harry calling him Malfoy hurt more than his dig about being gay. "Neither am I Harry," he said, making it a point to still call Harry by his given name. "And I'm still the girl you fell in love with, I'm still her-"

"Get out," Harry said venomously.

"Harry-"

"Get out!"

Glad that he was far enough away from the house to do so, Draco quietly Disapparated away


	12. Chapter 12

**Aw guys, it's been great! I love you all and I hope this doesn't disappoint.**

**Chapter 12: Wherein Our Story Ends**

Draco turned up at Snape's doorway. Knocking on the door, his sobs grew louder and louder until he became worried that Snape wouldn't hear the knocking through all the crying.

"Severus! Open the damn door!"

He finally did, though not at all pleased. "What the bloody hell is going on here?" he asked before he realized it was Draco. "What happened?" he asked, his voice softer.

"I told him," Draco said shakily. "And then he…he…yelled and told me he wasn't gay and he kicked me out!" Draco grabbed on to Snape's robes and burrowed his face in them. "I've been chucked! I feel like shit!"

"Shh, it's okay," Severus soothed as best he could. He couldn't help but be slightly disconcerted with Draco's womanliness and sudden need for affection but he could stand to see his god son in pain either. "Harry is a fool if he didn't accept you. He didn't deserve you."

Draco sniffled and removed his face from Severus' robes. "You're only saying that because you're my god father and you have to."

"No," he replied, lifting the blonde's chin. "I'm saying it because you a gorgeous as a woman or man and an excellent person as well. Anyone would be lucky to have you."

"Thanks Sev."

HDHDHDHDHD

Weeks passed and slowly, Draco began to move on. He was becoming more and more in love with himself as a woman and though Snape was constantly experimenting with ways to return him to his former male glory, Draco was beginning to lose interest. He even began regaining his powers which decimated his lingering desire to return to being male.

"I like being a woman," Draco told Snape when he'd tried to force another potion upon him. "It's comforting, this body, I like how I feel things now."

Not that it mattered what Draco thought really as none of the potions worked for longer than an hour. It seemed he was destined to be female, whether he liked it or not.

"Just call me Darcy," he'd finally told Snape. "That's who I am now."

But though Draco was beginning to accept life as a woman, he found he could accept life without Harry. It had been two months but still he awoke every day hoping that Harry would be there, waiting to whisk him off to far away places.

He couldn't sleep.

Couldn't eat.

Draco was quickly learning that pining for someone sucked.

Though he was getting incredibly skinny in the process.

Silver linings, Draco reminded himself.

"You're going to have to let him go," Snape said when for the 61st night in a row Draco sat at the window pretending not to look for Harry.

Draco just ignored him. He may've been harboring false hope, but it was his false hope and he would harbor it if he damn well pleased. "He might come back."

"I wouldn't hold my breath," Snape muttered darkly.

Draco squinted his eyes. "I think I see someone," he said suspiciously.

"Just your imagination," Snape said in a sing-song voice.

"Like hell it is, I'm going to go check it out!"

The cool night air welcomed him as he searched for the figure he'd seen. He could tell he was getting close, he could make out green eyes, a tall lean body and a scar…

"Harry? Is that you?"

"Draco?" There stood Harry in an open button down shirt looking very disheveled and even more sexy.

"What do you want?" Draco asked suspiciously.

"I have something to say to you," Harry said.

Draco remained silent, waiting for him to go on.

I love you!" Harry shouted, looking exhausted. "And I don't care if you're a man or if you decide to stay a woman, I'll always love you!"

"You do?" Draco asked, his eyes full of hope before quickly throwing on a mask of indifference. "I mean, you do," he said, trying to be nonchalant.

"I do," Harry said breathlessly. "I tried to stop, but I couldn't. Nothing could make me stop, not Ginny, not reason, not even myself. I love you Draco Malfoy!" he exclaimed, picking him up off the ground and giving him a little twirl. "I know I hurt you, and I just want to know if you forgive me. Please," Harry finished, his eyes pleading with Draco.

"I don't know Harry. It's been two months. I might have to think about this-"

Harry laid a kiss smack on his lips, preventing the rest of the sentence to escape. "Please, I love you Draco Malfoy. And I don't give a flying shite what anyone says."

"My name's Darcy," Draco said softly, nuzzling his head in the crook of Harry's neck. "Darcy Spungen."


End file.
